September 6th, 2005 | The lowdown by Aliwyn Cole

A Karaoke Challenge.

Karaoke is an extremely popular pastime in Thailand, and there are karaoke bars on virtually every street corner. Absolutely everyone sings karaoke in Thailand. Families eat civilized meals at karaoke restaurants; friends congregate at the bars, showing off to each other by singing their favourite tunes; young lovers go on dates and warble their love to each other. Even weddings are celebrated with karaoke. Unlike the drunken karaoke nights out that I remember so well from home, where people sing as a bit of a joke, people in Thailand take their singing pretty seriously, and all of them sing quite well.

Some karaoke bars also serve as brothels, and one of my friends, a fellow teacher, told me how she had innocently wandered into a Japanese karaoke bar, to find about twenty ladies, all sitting against a wall and dressed in school girl outfits. Needless to say, she walked straight back out the door. I went to another less obvious such bar with my boyfriend, and after ordering our food, we were quickly joined by a young lady, dressed in a beautiful short dress and high heels, who asked my boyfriend if he wanted to buy her a drink. We explained the situation, and that we just wanted to sing karaoke, and then bought her a drink out of courtesy. The last I remember of the night is paying a fairly hefty bill for about two hundred songs and rather a lot of drinks-I'm sure we didn't sing or drink that much, but we paid the bill anyway and never went back.

My favourite karaoke bar in Bangsaen is called Chanchala, and is located on the corner of the beginning of the beach road. The karaoke is hosted by a two man band; a hat-wearing guitar player with a faraway look on his face as he picks at his guitar, and an always-grinning keyboard player, seated behind the frame of a great white piano.

As well as serving delicious food, Chanchala is a little unusual in that you are not charged for any songs you sing. More importantly, drinks you didn't drink don't, as if by magic, appear on your bill. However, as a foreigner, you might be pestered to sing many songs, some of which you might never heard of before, or some that you simply detest. Two of my least favourite songs that I've had to sing are 'Wooden Heart', and 'Country Road', both of which are Thai favourites. Another Thai favourite is Hotel California, and if you sing this then the opening bars will be drowned by cheering and clapping. If you don?t want to sing this song, then someone else will be only too happy to sing it for you, and it goes something like this:

Wecome to Hoter Cariforna
Sush a rovery prae
Sush a rovery fae
They?re rivin it u a er Otel Cariforna
What a nie surpie
Bling your aribie.

The average Thai can't speak English, and if they can then L and R are often difficult for them to pronounce correctly, and word endings are often abandoned.

Now if you are not a wonderfully talented singer, and prefer just to sing for a laugh, then that's okay, as the audience will be so thrilled to have a foreigner up there on stage, that they will cheer and applaud you, no matter how much you sound like a strangled cat. However, if you simply don?t like singing, then take a friend who does, preferably foreign, or you will be pestered to sing until you either give in or walk out.